im about as happy as oj after his trial
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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