chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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