I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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