Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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