im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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