Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
