He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
