he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
