she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
