Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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