ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
