oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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