I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
