So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My bed smells like the plague
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
