how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Never let your siblings swipe right.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
