my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
they're like a gay fantastic four
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
