The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
