When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize