you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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