your room smells of hookers.
And success
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize