Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
