you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
