And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
