be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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