When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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