Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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