The maid of honor just puked.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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