Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
