I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
