I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize