OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
