By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
should my penis look like a turkey
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
