He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
