you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
