Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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