he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
