I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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