Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
