I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
