If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
