Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
