He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
