Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
BRING THE BAGELS
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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