Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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