How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
