Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
