I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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