I want you more than these girls want KFC
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
