Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
