is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
