ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize