I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
