Kiss
Puke
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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