Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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