$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
my liver is dry heaving
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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