I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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