Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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