I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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