I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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