dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
