I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
