Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
