Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
