i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
