i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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