I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
