Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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