i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I did not marry a roomba.
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