GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize