96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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