Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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