I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize