my text book just quoted the cookie monster
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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